The First Cut

According to Rod Stewart, the first cut is the deepest. We all know he was talking about romance, but it could apply to other things as well, and we've all had our share of firsts.

Obviously there was the first time we really used the word love in connection with someone who was not a dear friend or family member, and meant it, or the first time we got dumped or got our heart broke. Or it could be just the first time we ventured in that direction, coming out of our shells enough and working up enough courage to actually let someone know we felt something. Those times are the obvious ones.

The others were just as painful in their own way, they just weren't used as the subject matter for rock and roll songs. There was the first time we went out for a sport and didn't make it. Or the first time we tried to join a group and discovered we didn't quite fit in. For some of us we might have wanted attention or recognition for something we did or could do, but we went unnoticed.

We have all decided just what memories we want to carry with us, the ones that are strongest. I think most of the time we choose the happy ones and we strive to hold those closest, but the others are there too. Always. Every now and then we can't help but pull the scab off them and when we do, they can be just as painful as they were back then.

I can't speak for anyone else. I have my share of the scars, both the kind that came along with the times and, for lack of a better term, those due to my social class. but I choose the happy ones and I hope that some of our friends are not staying in touch with us because they remember more of the painful ones. If that is true, I offer them both my hand and an ear. I will support them and even though I can't change anything, I think I'm a good listener and I can give a pat on the back when I think one is needed. All they have to do is let me know.

Nope, I Haven't Quit

Nope, I haven't given up. I just needed a grandbaby fix, so we spent Thanksgiving with 6 of them, and man was it fun. I had a great time. It takes a few minutes to get past the shy that's built up since the last time we saw them, but Papa Doug knows how to get them laughing and playing again before long.

But anyway, I'm back and will updating this site as fast as I can. :)

Winter

They put the snow stakes up at work this week. They're bright orange sticks about 3 feet high and as big around as your finger. They are to show folks where the sidewalks and curbs are when the snow comes. Hopefully it won't be above the stakes. The wind has changed too. It favors the north and even though the temperature is 44, the wind gives it a noticeable chill and along with the rain it goes clear to the bone.

But it's not quite as cold as it used to feel when I was a kid and the only heat in the house was a pot bellied stove. You came out from under the covers at a dead run and dressed by the fire, sometimes standing so close to it your pants felt like they were on fire, or you could go to the kitchen and eat hot biscuits and while you stayed warm next to the oven.

Later on, when we had a furnace all they really did was put the stove under house and the heat shot up through the grate in the floor When it was cold enough you almost stood on that grate. I melted that pattern into the soles of more than one pair of shoes.

Now, the heat is in every room and the fireplace is mostly for show. The air is even warm when you step out of the shower, which makes my bones feel better, but sometimes I miss that old stove. It was things like that stove or those biscuits that helped families stay closer together. Something else to look back on with fond memories and smiles.

Those really were the days.

Loudon Goes Psychedelic

In 1968 I bought Born To Be Wild by Steppenwolf on a 45. I don't even remember what was on the flipside, but I liked that song so much that just knew I'd like the whole album; and I did. Looking back though, I'm not sure I was ready for everything it had on it. I know my Grandma wasn't. She called it "that racket", which at the time I found funny coming from someone who liked Bluegrass music. Anyway, the one song that made her draw the line was the one I've posted as a memory this week. "I will not have that in my house!" Yep, that's pretty much drawing the line to me.

Anyway, it's the live version of "The Pusher", and if you've never heard it before, I don't want to bruise your sensitivities, but just listen until you get to the chorus and you'll find out what got her so stirred up.

Daydreams

Was I the only one in our class with a Walter Mitty side? I could sit for long periods of time doing nothing but daydreaming. I rarely dreamed about something I might be able to do if I really wanted to try, like play football or basketball, --- I probably wouldn't have made the team, but I could have still tried. Instead, what I daydreamed about was always something I couldn't do. Like get a brand new car, or get a job that payed more than chicken scratches -- maybe even all the way up to 2 or 3 bucks an hour! Or date this girl or that one, you know, the popular ones or the ones above my social standings.

I envied others for what they had, but I seriously don't believe I coveted what they had. Not in a biblical sense anyway. If I saw a nice car I didn't want to take it away from whoever owned it, I just wanted one like it. Sometimes I'd see that particular girl with the guy she was dating and think something like, "He's a dork! What does he have that I don't?" Well, her for one thing.

Sometimes a teacher would say something like, "Mr. Presley do you want to get your mind back inside the window", and I'd realize I had daydreamed for half of class period about being in a rock and roll band or something.

I guess it all boils down to wanting to be in the spotlight, and now I hate the spotlight. I'm happiest sitting back in the corner letting everyone else take their turn. I no longer want the spotlight, but I sure would love to have a cherry red 1967 Mustang convertible, with black interior and 3 on the tree!!

Growing Old Is Mandatory, Growing Up Is Optional

Why is there such a difference between us when we were young and where we are now? I know all the reasons, but at the same time I don't understand why the difference is so great... sometimes as much as night and day.

Sometimes I will worry about money from paycheck to paycheck, back then I didn't worry at all. If I had it, I had it, if I didn't, I found something to do that didn't cost money.

Now when I think about taking a trip to Loudon or to South Carolina or Alabama to see the kids and grandkids I fret over the van. Will it make it? Does it need an oil change. How are the tires? Back then it was almost "Who cares, let's go!" As long as you could throw your money together and get a couple of bucks for gas, the rest of it was easy.

Now I hate being around crowds and will steer clear of some events because I don't like being around so many people. Back then that didn't matter. The more the merrier.

Sometimes now I worry about what others might think, after all, I'm still raising kids and I have to be an example of sorts. Back then it didn't matter. More than once I told someone to kiss where the sun don't shine.

As I get older I'm actually starting to worry less about some of that stuff. At times I will walk down the street with Sarah, singing at the top of my lungs. It's mainly to embarrass her. :) Who cares who looks. They won't see anything other than a man having fun with his daughter --- a daughter who happens to be growing up way too fast.

I have a shirt Sue bought me that says, "Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional." That's my new mantra.