In January, 1985, I got a call from the assignment people; the same ones I called to get to California, only this time they wanted to move me. They said I had been at Ft Ord for awhile, and asked if I was interested in transferring somewhere else. This was their way of saying, “If you want to move somewhere we can try to work it out, but one way or another, you’re moving.” So I mentioned the southeast. He asked me define what I had in mind and I told him anywhere south of the Ohio River and east of the Mississippi River. The following week I got orders to Charleston AFB, SC, reporting in June 1985.
This news had an impact on my relationship with Sue. I had gotten to the point that I thought at some point we might get married, but neither of us were rushing in that direction. I called Sue and gave her the news and while she sounded a little apprehensive about it, she didn’t say anything. Over the next week or so I thought hard about whether to let things stay the same or propose. I finally decided that it seemed inevitable at some point, so why not do the deed.
I spoke with Douglas about it also, since to me, he had veto power over it. If there was anything he wasn’t comfortable with I wouldn’t propose, but he said he had no objection. So I did and Sue prompted rebuffed me with “I’ll think about it.” Think about it? We were running out of time. Not only would we have to plan a wedding but I would have to have time to amend my orders to include her and Michael, and the military didn’t do anything quickly.
She finally said yes, so that was the biggest step out of the way. Next, it was off to the personnel office to let them know and they promptly put me in touch with the chapel. It was mandatory to get premarital counseling, which included the chaplain. This was so the non-military person would know what rights and services they had in the military and have a better idea of what to expect.
We went to see a protestant chaplain, a Baptist one to be specific, and he viewed it as no big deal since Sue and I had “been around awhile”, as he put it. We were to have 3 or 4 meetings with him before he performed the wedding. During our second meeting, he mentioned kids. Sue and I were both around 30 so we didn’t believe kids were likely and therefore not an issue. But the chaplain was concerned, and said since I was Baptist and Sue was Catholic we should decide right then and there how we would raise any new kids. I told him to me it wasn’t even a consideration, and he dropped it, but mentioned it several more times over the course of the counseling.
Then on Tuesday, before we were to be married on Saturday, he called me at work and said he was sorry, but he had just realized he would be out of town over the weekend. That was the closest I’ve ever come to calling a man of God a liar. I will always believe the he was balking just because I wouldn’t commit to raising the kids as Baptists.
Anyway, I immediately called Sue and she almost fainted. We had three days to come up with another minister. One of the ladies Sue worked with said she her grandfather was a retired Pentecostal preacher and she would ask him. He agreed without question. He was a very nice man. Very cordial and understanding of anything we wanted to do. However, he did have a little Parkinson’s and tended to forget sometimes.
On Saturday, when we arrived at the chapel, everything was ready. Douglas was my best man, Amy was the flower girl and Michael was the ring bearer. Just before the wedding the minister came over to where Douglas and I were standing and said that he was going back to see Sue, and when we saw him walking back to the altar, that would be out queue to walk out and wait for her to process in. In the meantime, when he went to see Sue, he told her to take her time, there was no rush, and he headed back toward the altar. Well, Douglas and I saw him coming back toward the altar, so we marched out to the head of the aisle to wait for Sue – who was in the back, taking her time.
After several minutes the guests were watching Douglas and I and started to murmur, wondering what was going on. So was I, but at this point I didn’t know whether to go back to where I was or just stand there. Finally, she came walking up the aisle, but by that time I was nervous as I could be. She took my arm, we walked up the steps and stood in front of the minister, and then I noticed he was having a major Parkinson’s day and was shaking so hard it was a wonder he could read it. I felt both sorry for him and impressed by him that he was brave enough to stand in front of people in that condition; a condition that wasn’t helping me at all, because the more I watched him shake, the more nervous I became. I didn’t faint, but we did rush through things a little bit.
It was a lot to go through in such a relatively short time, but we made it, and I have to say it was meant to be since we’ve been together since. At our reception, I met one of Sue’s friends, a lady from Peru (I think) who made her living as a fortune teller. A few months before I met Sue she had gone with her aunt to visit this lady and on a whim decided to get her fortune told too. She had told Sue that she would meet a guy who wore a blue suit with real shiny shoes and have something to do with the air, and that we would get married and go to a place where the trees were different and have a long happy life together. She was right.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
My Favorite Place
In late 1980, Douglas and his mom wanted to see more of each other and I wanted to see Amy more than once a year, so I called up the weather assignment people and asked if there were any openings in or near Southern California. He told me there were two, Luke AFB near Phoenix, AZ and Ft. Ord near Monterey, CA. They were roughly the same distance from Amy, and they each had their bad points --- the heat of Arizona versus supporting the Army. I had lived on the edge of the desert before so I doubted the heat would bother me, but that Army thing was something I didn’t want to deal with. He said he would give me 24 hours to make up my mind.
The next day I called him back and said I had made up my mind, but he told me there was no longer a choice. All he had was Ft Ord, take it or leave it. So, with some reservations, I took it.
The Monterey area is gorgeous. Similar to San Francisco with hills and ocean, our apartment was 8-10 blocks up the hill overlooking the bay. There is a lot of fog, but the days that are not foggy more than make up for the days that are. Temperatures were almost always 65 during the day and 55 at night. There was some fluctuation on those temperatures but it was one of the most homogeneous climates I’ve ever seen.
Even the Army surprised me. It was a little different when I first got there; all that marching and running and stuff, but I didn’t have to do it so it was no big deal. The weather station was opened 6am to 6pm, Monday thru Friday and closed on holidays. We went to the field with the Army a few times a year; pitching tents, digging foxholes and latrines right along with them, but even that wasn't so bad. And the weather I’ve already mentioned made forecasting relatively easy.
Then away from Monterey, you could go anywhere from San Francisco to Santa Barbara, but even if you limited yourself to Santa Cruz to Big Sur, it was still great. There was also Highway 1 down the coast, driving the bluffs above the ocean, or up and down the Salinas Valley that was much warmer and one of the garden spots of the world.
All in all, it was a terrific assignment, and I consider it my favorite place.
The next day I called him back and said I had made up my mind, but he told me there was no longer a choice. All he had was Ft Ord, take it or leave it. So, with some reservations, I took it.
The Monterey area is gorgeous. Similar to San Francisco with hills and ocean, our apartment was 8-10 blocks up the hill overlooking the bay. There is a lot of fog, but the days that are not foggy more than make up for the days that are. Temperatures were almost always 65 during the day and 55 at night. There was some fluctuation on those temperatures but it was one of the most homogeneous climates I’ve ever seen.
Even the Army surprised me. It was a little different when I first got there; all that marching and running and stuff, but I didn’t have to do it so it was no big deal. The weather station was opened 6am to 6pm, Monday thru Friday and closed on holidays. We went to the field with the Army a few times a year; pitching tents, digging foxholes and latrines right along with them, but even that wasn't so bad. And the weather I’ve already mentioned made forecasting relatively easy.
Then away from Monterey, you could go anywhere from San Francisco to Santa Barbara, but even if you limited yourself to Santa Cruz to Big Sur, it was still great. There was also Highway 1 down the coast, driving the bluffs above the ocean, or up and down the Salinas Valley that was much warmer and one of the garden spots of the world.
All in all, it was a terrific assignment, and I consider it my favorite place.
Little Meanie
Take 15 pounds of boy; add a double dose of rambunctiousness, an extra scoop of curiosity, a pinch more impatience and maybe just a wee bit shorter fuse, and you have Michael when I first met him. He was 3 years old and Sue’s pride and joy. He never met a chance at adventure that he didn’t like.
He took to me okay. He was a little apprehensive at first, but I guess that’s normal. He was more excited that I had a son and usually when I came to visit, so did Douglas. When his mom and I got married, he was most happy about getting a brother and sister at the same time. Instant family, why wait?
He called me “Big Meanie” and I called him “Little Meanie”, but I can’t remember why. He was teasing me because he always had a smile on his face.
After we got married and I started the process to adopt him, he thought it was great, especially when we told him he would get to change his name. When we told him his name was now Michael Presley he was a little confused. He said he thought he could change it to Michael Jackson.
He was not one to mess around with procedures. If you were going to punish him, he wanted it over with as quickly as possible. None of this long, drawn out stuff. When he was about 5 I grounded him for some long forgotten infraction. He was to remain in his room for the rest of the day. After about a half hour, he came downstairs and told me, “Dad, just beat me and get it over with.”
I told him a long time ago that he was the only one of my kids that I got to choose, and it’s true. There is some apprehensions about assuming the total responsibility for someone you didn’t help bring into the world, but that has long since dissipated, and I have no regrets --- even during the trying teen years,
Michael has found his niche in the world and is doing well. He is married and has 4 kids, two he inherited when he got married. He’s doing well, and I’m proud of him.
He took to me okay. He was a little apprehensive at first, but I guess that’s normal. He was more excited that I had a son and usually when I came to visit, so did Douglas. When his mom and I got married, he was most happy about getting a brother and sister at the same time. Instant family, why wait?
He called me “Big Meanie” and I called him “Little Meanie”, but I can’t remember why. He was teasing me because he always had a smile on his face.
After we got married and I started the process to adopt him, he thought it was great, especially when we told him he would get to change his name. When we told him his name was now Michael Presley he was a little confused. He said he thought he could change it to Michael Jackson.
He was not one to mess around with procedures. If you were going to punish him, he wanted it over with as quickly as possible. None of this long, drawn out stuff. When he was about 5 I grounded him for some long forgotten infraction. He was to remain in his room for the rest of the day. After about a half hour, he came downstairs and told me, “Dad, just beat me and get it over with.”
I told him a long time ago that he was the only one of my kids that I got to choose, and it’s true. There is some apprehensions about assuming the total responsibility for someone you didn’t help bring into the world, but that has long since dissipated, and I have no regrets --- even during the trying teen years,
Michael has found his niche in the world and is doing well. He is married and has 4 kids, two he inherited when he got married. He’s doing well, and I’m proud of him.
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Don't You Love Her Madly, Want to Meet her Daddy?
Being a single parent isn’t easy, although relatively speaking; having only one child to worry about has to be easier. Also, mine was a boy, and I at least had the experience of being a boy once myself to fall back on. I’m not sure I could have handled a girl, since I knew nothing about the obvious differences that would be showing up. However, that being said, I would taken Amy in a heartbeat if it turned out that way and gladly give it my best shot.
Obviously, everything focuses on the child. I know that’s also true with both a Mom and Dad in the picture, but when there’s only one parent I think it’s even more so. I know in my case, Douglas was ‘Job 1’, and very few things were done without considering him first. I pretty much channeled all of “my” time into the couple of months in the summer when he was with his Mom. That was the time I let my hair down and howled at the moon, if you want to put it that way. The rest of the year, he was my prime concern.
When it came to dealing with other people, there was also a difference. I believe the world, or at least the military world back then, was geared more to a female single parent. I don’t think they always knew how to deal with a guy single parent. Also, socially, some of the women I ran into were skeptical to say the least. When some of them found out I had a son at home, I was either, running around on my wife or looking for a mother for my son. Neither case was correct.
Then on Tuesday, July 3, 1984, I met Sue. When I first saw her, I was impressed. You could tell she cared about her appearance without going overboard; she was very personable, educated and immediately put me at ease. As we developed our relationship, we made sure to include Douglas and her son, Michael. By the end of the year, I was beginning to feel okay with the idea of our relationship becoming something more long term. The Air Force has a way of speeding things up.
In January, 1985 I received orders for Charleston AFB, SC. The news was a little bittersweet. Amy would no longer be so close and Douglas would be further away from his Mom. Plus, I would be leaving Sue. So, after a couple of weeks of deep thought, and even though we had known each other just a short time, I asked her to marry me. Her response? “I’ll think about it.” Wow, so much for believing she felt the same way I did!
Actually, she did feel the same way, she was just a bit more pragmatic that I was – and still is. So, after having to scurry to get things done in a very short time, we were married on March, 30, 1985, with her mother’s words echoing in my ears; “I think you should know she’s hard to live with.”
I have said a hundred times how much she means to me. It’s been over 25 years now. Twenty five years after going through the deepest, darkest time of my life. She is probably the one woman in the world who puts up with my stuff and never considers what I would have been, could have been or should have been. She is the anchor in this family; the one that holds it all together.
And I love her madly.
Obviously, everything focuses on the child. I know that’s also true with both a Mom and Dad in the picture, but when there’s only one parent I think it’s even more so. I know in my case, Douglas was ‘Job 1’, and very few things were done without considering him first. I pretty much channeled all of “my” time into the couple of months in the summer when he was with his Mom. That was the time I let my hair down and howled at the moon, if you want to put it that way. The rest of the year, he was my prime concern.
When it came to dealing with other people, there was also a difference. I believe the world, or at least the military world back then, was geared more to a female single parent. I don’t think they always knew how to deal with a guy single parent. Also, socially, some of the women I ran into were skeptical to say the least. When some of them found out I had a son at home, I was either, running around on my wife or looking for a mother for my son. Neither case was correct.
Then on Tuesday, July 3, 1984, I met Sue. When I first saw her, I was impressed. You could tell she cared about her appearance without going overboard; she was very personable, educated and immediately put me at ease. As we developed our relationship, we made sure to include Douglas and her son, Michael. By the end of the year, I was beginning to feel okay with the idea of our relationship becoming something more long term. The Air Force has a way of speeding things up.
In January, 1985 I received orders for Charleston AFB, SC. The news was a little bittersweet. Amy would no longer be so close and Douglas would be further away from his Mom. Plus, I would be leaving Sue. So, after a couple of weeks of deep thought, and even though we had known each other just a short time, I asked her to marry me. Her response? “I’ll think about it.” Wow, so much for believing she felt the same way I did!
Actually, she did feel the same way, she was just a bit more pragmatic that I was – and still is. So, after having to scurry to get things done in a very short time, we were married on March, 30, 1985, with her mother’s words echoing in my ears; “I think you should know she’s hard to live with.”
I have said a hundred times how much she means to me. It’s been over 25 years now. Twenty five years after going through the deepest, darkest time of my life. She is probably the one woman in the world who puts up with my stuff and never considers what I would have been, could have been or should have been. She is the anchor in this family; the one that holds it all together.
And I love her madly.
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
My First Baby Girl
I went off to Alaska in January, and Amy turned 1 that March. From about the time she was born I knew I would be leaving so I held her as much as I could. Besides, she was so cuddly.
After I returned from Alaska, there was so much other stuff going on that I didn’t get to spend that much time around her. Once, when I was getting ready to fly to California to see the kids, a friend of mine said, “Don’t be upset with her if she doesn’t recognize you or take to you very quick, she’s just a baby and may not recognize you.” That bothered me and I worried about it the entire way to California, but when I saw her for the first time, her eyes told me she knew exactly who I was. It made me feel so much better.
She had me wrapped around her finger from an early age, and she knew it. It’s amazing how quickly baby girls can do that to fathers. I didn’t spoil her, not intestinally any, but I loved being around her. Whenever she wanted anything she would come over to me, smile really big, and say “Daaaaaaaaaddddddyyyyyy”, drawing it out in that sweet little girl voice, and I would melt.
She was almost always wearing dresses, and I brought her one almost every opportunity I got, especially for school. It wasn’t until she was 7 or 8 that she told me enough was enough. No more dresses! She didn’t say it like that, of course. In fact, she didn’t want to tell me at all, she was afraid it would hurt my feelings. Her Mom encouraged her a bit, so she finally approached me. Of course, I said I would stop; but not without a bit of reluctance. I guess I was just old fashioned in that regard.
I got to see her a few times each year; a little more often when Doug and I moved to Monterey, but I missed so much of her life. Alabama used to sing a song called, Up In Pictures, and even though it came out some years later, I would tear up every time I heard it because it was so close to how I felt.
She is my free spirit, much more than either or the boys.. She loves to laugh and have a good time, and have a crowd around her. She is also very interested in her origin, her roots, and keeps up with the family history on both sides. She is creative and as it turns out, she’s a great mom too.
I made my biggest mistake as a Dad with her. I didn’t go to her wedding. There are several reasons why I chose not to, and at the time, they all made so much sense, but in the end, you realize it’s such a big piece of our relationship and I’ll never be able to get it back. I’ve told her how I feel – that it was my biggest mistake, and she accepted it, but it doesn’t change the fact that I didn’t take part in the biggest event in a Dad’s life with his baby girl.
And she's still my baby girl.
After I returned from Alaska, there was so much other stuff going on that I didn’t get to spend that much time around her. Once, when I was getting ready to fly to California to see the kids, a friend of mine said, “Don’t be upset with her if she doesn’t recognize you or take to you very quick, she’s just a baby and may not recognize you.” That bothered me and I worried about it the entire way to California, but when I saw her for the first time, her eyes told me she knew exactly who I was. It made me feel so much better.
She had me wrapped around her finger from an early age, and she knew it. It’s amazing how quickly baby girls can do that to fathers. I didn’t spoil her, not intestinally any, but I loved being around her. Whenever she wanted anything she would come over to me, smile really big, and say “Daaaaaaaaaddddddyyyyyy”, drawing it out in that sweet little girl voice, and I would melt.
She was almost always wearing dresses, and I brought her one almost every opportunity I got, especially for school. It wasn’t until she was 7 or 8 that she told me enough was enough. No more dresses! She didn’t say it like that, of course. In fact, she didn’t want to tell me at all, she was afraid it would hurt my feelings. Her Mom encouraged her a bit, so she finally approached me. Of course, I said I would stop; but not without a bit of reluctance. I guess I was just old fashioned in that regard.
I got to see her a few times each year; a little more often when Doug and I moved to Monterey, but I missed so much of her life. Alabama used to sing a song called, Up In Pictures, and even though it came out some years later, I would tear up every time I heard it because it was so close to how I felt.
She is my free spirit, much more than either or the boys.. She loves to laugh and have a good time, and have a crowd around her. She is also very interested in her origin, her roots, and keeps up with the family history on both sides. She is creative and as it turns out, she’s a great mom too.
I made my biggest mistake as a Dad with her. I didn’t go to her wedding. There are several reasons why I chose not to, and at the time, they all made so much sense, but in the end, you realize it’s such a big piece of our relationship and I’ll never be able to get it back. I’ve told her how I feel – that it was my biggest mistake, and she accepted it, but it doesn’t change the fact that I didn’t take part in the biggest event in a Dad’s life with his baby girl.
And she's still my baby girl.
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