Being a single parent isn’t easy, although relatively speaking; having only one child to worry about has to be easier. Also, mine was a boy, and I at least had the experience of being a boy once myself to fall back on. I’m not sure I could have handled a girl, since I knew nothing about the obvious differences that would be showing up. However, that being said, I would taken Amy in a heartbeat if it turned out that way and gladly give it my best shot.
Obviously, everything focuses on the child. I know that’s also true with both a Mom and Dad in the picture, but when there’s only one parent I think it’s even more so. I know in my case, Douglas was ‘Job 1’, and very few things were done without considering him first. I pretty much channeled all of “my” time into the couple of months in the summer when he was with his Mom. That was the time I let my hair down and howled at the moon, if you want to put it that way. The rest of the year, he was my prime concern.
When it came to dealing with other people, there was also a difference. I believe the world, or at least the military world back then, was geared more to a female single parent. I don’t think they always knew how to deal with a guy single parent. Also, socially, some of the women I ran into were skeptical to say the least. When some of them found out I had a son at home, I was either, running around on my wife or looking for a mother for my son. Neither case was correct.
Then on Tuesday, July 3, 1984, I met Sue. When I first saw her, I was impressed. You could tell she cared about her appearance without going overboard; she was very personable, educated and immediately put me at ease. As we developed our relationship, we made sure to include Douglas and her son, Michael. By the end of the year, I was beginning to feel okay with the idea of our relationship becoming something more long term. The Air Force has a way of speeding things up.
In January, 1985 I received orders for Charleston AFB, SC. The news was a little bittersweet. Amy would no longer be so close and Douglas would be further away from his Mom. Plus, I would be leaving Sue. So, after a couple of weeks of deep thought, and even though we had known each other just a short time, I asked her to marry me. Her response? “I’ll think about it.” Wow, so much for believing she felt the same way I did!
Actually, she did feel the same way, she was just a bit more pragmatic that I was – and still is. So, after having to scurry to get things done in a very short time, we were married on March, 30, 1985, with her mother’s words echoing in my ears; “I think you should know she’s hard to live with.”
I have said a hundred times how much she means to me. It’s been over 25 years now. Twenty five years after going through the deepest, darkest time of my life. She is probably the one woman in the world who puts up with my stuff and never considers what I would have been, could have been or should have been. She is the anchor in this family; the one that holds it all together.
And I love her madly.
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