My First Baby Girl

I went off to Alaska in January, and Amy turned 1 that March. From about the time she was born I knew I would be leaving so I held her as much as I could. Besides, she was so cuddly.

After I returned from Alaska, there was so much other stuff going on that I didn’t get to spend that much time around her. Once, when I was getting ready to fly to California to see the kids, a friend of mine said, “Don’t be upset with her if she doesn’t recognize you or take to you very quick, she’s just a baby and may not recognize you.” That bothered me and I worried about it the entire way to California, but when I saw her for the first time, her eyes told me she knew exactly who I was. It made me feel so much better.

She had me wrapped around her finger from an early age, and she knew it. It’s amazing how quickly baby girls can do that to fathers. I didn’t spoil her, not intestinally any, but I loved being around her. Whenever she wanted anything she would come over to me, smile really big, and say “Daaaaaaaaaddddddyyyyyy”, drawing it out in that sweet little girl voice, and I would melt.

She was almost always wearing dresses, and I brought her one almost every opportunity I got, especially for school. It wasn’t until she was 7 or 8 that she told me enough was enough. No more dresses! She didn’t say it like that, of course. In fact, she didn’t want to tell me at all, she was afraid it would hurt my feelings. Her Mom encouraged her a bit, so she finally approached me. Of course, I said I would stop; but not without a bit of reluctance. I guess I was just old fashioned in that regard.
I got to see her a few times each year; a little more often when Doug and I moved to Monterey, but I missed so much of her life. Alabama used to sing a song called, Up In Pictures, and even though it came out some years later, I would tear up every time I heard it because it was so close to how I felt.

She is my free spirit, much more than either or the boys.. She loves to laugh and have a good time, and have a crowd around her. She is also very interested in her origin, her roots, and keeps up with the family history on both sides. She is creative and as it turns out, she’s a great mom too.

I made my biggest mistake as a Dad with her. I didn’t go to her wedding. There are several reasons why I chose not to, and at the time, they all made so much sense, but in the end, you realize it’s such a big piece of our relationship and I’ll never be able to get it back. I’ve told her how I feel – that it was my biggest mistake, and she accepted it, but it doesn’t change the fact that I didn’t take part in the biggest event in a Dad’s life with his baby girl.

And she's still my baby girl.