I'll Try Anything Once

Sometimes circumstances force you to try things you wouldn’t normally try.  One such instance for me was in the pre-internet days of the very early 80s.  As a single parent, I felt Douglas deserved as much of my attention as I could give him.  I did it willingly and I have no regrets.  However, it did limit the opportunity I had for dating, plus some of the ones I did meet were convinced I was looking for a substitute mother for my son, even though I wasn’t. 

In that area of the coast, there were a handful of singles newspapers since there were a lot of others like me, whose job or other responsibilities put limits on them as well.  I would look at this freebie that came in the mail a couple of times a month and sometimes I would scan the ads.  They were mostly men seeking woman so there really wasn’t many I could choose from, and I doubt if I would have called any of them anyway.

Well, the day came that I decided to take the plunge.  Doug had gone to stay with his Mom for the summer, and I was free to give it a try.  The first thing I decided to do was to get the “lay of the land” so to speak so I called one of the ads in the paper.  I quickly informed the guy who answered that I was not interested in his ad other than to know if he got much response from it.  He told me he got about a dozen calls which were more than enough for me.  The result, at least to me, was almost a comedy of errors.

I forget exactly how I worded the ad.  Something like, ‘30yo single father, smoker, wanting to meet ladies 25-35 for friendship and possible relationship.’  I wanted them to know up front that I was a single parent, that I smoked and that I wasn’t looking for a mother for my son.  I have no idea why I chose the age range other than I wanted to limit it somehow.

I immediately started getting calls the day the ad was printed.  My first call was from a guy.  I started to hang up, but he asked me to hear him out.  He said he was the manager for one of the savings and loan offices in town and gave me the business name, his name, phone number, everything he said I would need to verify that he was who he said he was.  Then it got really strange.  He said he had married his secretary and there was a big age difference, and at his age he was having “some issues”, so he was always on the lookout for other men for her and would watch, join in or leave.  I quickly said something like “Thanks, but no thanks”, and hung up.  That was not an auspicious beginning.

The next caller was actually very nice.  We talked a few minutes and set up a time to meet at a sandwich shop and chat.  I ended up dating her a few times.

The next caller was also very nice.  She was in the Army, had two little girls, and was separated from her husband.  We talked for almost an hour and seemed to have several things in common.  Then it dawned on me that she was black.  I said something about that and she said, “Yes I am, but you didn’t say anything about race in your ad.”  And she was right, I hadn’t.  It had never occurred to me.  So, we kept talking and I ended up going to her home a couple of times.  She was right, race didn’t matter, and besides, it was kind of cute to sit there chatting with her as two little girls peaked at me from around the corner and giggled.

I think it was the next day before I got another call.  This one was very talkative and pretty much controlled the conversation.  I remember at one point getting in a few questions of my own.  One of them was, “Are you married?”  She said she was separated.  I then asked how long she had been separated and she said, “I left him this morning”!  That was the end of that conversation.

The next one was a Filipino lady who made it obvious that she was a marriage broker and looking for suitable grooms for ladies who were wanting to come to the states to get married.  I told her I wasn’t interested, and she said, “But you put out the ad”.  I said that wasn’t for marriage.  She said, “Why?  You don’t like Filipino girls?”  I told her I had nothing against Filipino girls, but I was about to get involved with any woman sight unseen, and I hung up.

Along about this time I started realizing that this wasn’t what I thought it would be.  It was almost like doing a job interview.  I would ask them questions and they would give me answers.  I don’t really remember them asking me very many questions.

One of the next ones seemed okay over the phone and we made a date for me to drop by her place the next afternoon after work.  Her parting comment on the phone was, “Bring some beer.”   It sounded a bit odd, but what the heck, maybe she was planning a cook out.  So I stopped by, she stashed the beer in the fridge and then walked to the door and told guys they couldn’t come over now, “I got company.”  I let her keep the beer.

One of the next ones was probably the prettiest woman I’ve ever seen in my life, even now.  She said her Mom was French and her Dad was Jamaican (or Haitian, I can’t remember) and she was just gorgeous; dark hair, with almond eyes and an olive complexion.  But she was at the low end of my age range and we had nothing in common.  She knew it and I did too.  Darn it!

The next one was a little tipsy.  She confessed she was 38 – above my age range – and it took a couple of glasses of wine to build up the nerve to call.  We talked a long time and she was interesting, but nothing became of it.

By this time, I was tired of the whole thing.  It wasn’t fun for either me or most of them, so the next one that called I said I wasn’t taking any more calls.  The position was filled, or something like that.  It wasn’t but that’s what I told her anyway.  The funny thing was, when I told her that I thought I detected relieve in her voice.  I guess from some of them it was an ordeal to call, not knowing what they were getting into any more than I did.

But I did get a couple of friends out of it, so it wasn’t totally a waste of time.  The nice lady who called right after the pervert and the black lady with the two little girls, turned out to be at least people I could talk to when I wanted to hear an adult voice, so all was not lost.